Part One of Three

There are benefits to having six fingers on your left hand.  

1.  Three words:  Capitan Seis Dedos.  How's that for a nickname?  

2.  You can give awesome back scratches.  The extra finger -- the uber pinky as I like to call it -- reaches some spots that usually don't feel the warm touch of a human hand.

3.  When I use the expression: "I can count the number of times x has happened on one hand," I can count up to six instead of just five.  For example, you could not say, "I can count the number of Pope Pauls on one hand."  I, however, can.

4.  When I'm unloading the dishwasher and I'm trying to hold all the clean coffee cups on one hand so I don't have to make multiple trips to the coffee cup shelf, I have an extra finger to hang coffee cups from.  That, my friends, is worth its weight in gold.

5.  I throw a pretty mean curveball.  

Sure, there are downsides.  If, say, some spanish guy is looking for revenge because you killed his dad years ago — all he has to do is look for the guy with six fingers on his left hand.  Now, I admit, I shouldn't have killed his dad.  It was a mistake.  I went to pick up a sword he had made for me and we got to talking.  And then we drank a little sangria — maybe too much sangria.  Before I knew it I had run him through with this beautiful sword.  I'm only human right?  He who is without sin can throw the first stone, that's what I say.  And yes, I shouldn't have given the guy's kid scars on his cheeks to "remember me" by when he came out from behind a dresser to avenge his old man.  That was kind of a dick move on my part.  Like he needed the scars to remember me!  I think seeing his dad die would pretty much guarantee that my ugly mug (and my six fingers) would be permanently etched in his memory.  But, like I said, I made a mistake.  It was a different time then.  I was in a bad place — hanging out with bad people, weird albino guys, and there was the sangria (which always goes straight to my head) and, well, I screwed up.  But it's been a long time right?  Forgive and forget already.  Sheesh.

R

ps:  I don't really have six fingers on my left hand.  I did, however, recently watch "The Princess Bride" for the 4,172nd time.